Oh boy! Had I known I was overestimating the time I would have during my maternity leave, I would have sat next to God to laugh at my over-ambitious self. I must admit that although I was publicly defending maternity leave to people who would tell me "waow, 3 months of holidays! Lucky you!" (To that I would respond "that will not be a holiday, it's a leave because I need to take care of the baby") In my head though, I was dancing. I thought, "it can't be THAT time consuming! I'll be able to start writing the book I always wanted to draft. I will be able to start studying for the PMP. I will be able to catch-up with friends and respond to overdue personal emails and messages."
I had a list of books to read and blogs to write:
I had a list of books to read and blogs to write:
Hummm, I bet God was cracking up when reading my mind. I feel so foolish to have underestimated the time, energy and work it takes to be a new mom and to take care of a new born.
Not only is it a full time job with no close-of-business time -- You work around the clock and on-call every two hours (and 3 hours in the night : on lucky days), 24/7; it is also a new school in which you must learn all your courses quickly -- not just the hands-on and how-to-do technical lessons, but also soft skills : being more patient, more flexible, more sacrificial. For example, I had told myself I will never give my baby a pacifier (because I didn't want him to grow addicted, and for it to disform his mouth) but he was gravitating so much to breastfeeding (even when he wasn't hungry -- just for soothing) that the pacifier came in as a breather. He enjoys it, and I can buy 30mins of breathe-out time.
I mean, unless you witness or live through it, you will not believe that a tiny human being would eat every two hours for thirty minutes average each time. Let me break it down, that means that if at 5am he eats till 5:30, you have to make him burp (say 2-10mins) then he sleeps, you might need to change his diapers (5-10mins) , you might need to pump milk out too (20-30mins). Then you have about 45mins to do all you need to do before the next feeding session. During the first week, you actually try to use that time to check messages, respond, eat, drink, organize your day, arrange the house, and that's excluding your time from 17:00-22:00, completely booked to entertain guests (i.e. every single evening for the last 3 weeks since our return from the hospital). After some time of this back to back schedule, extreme tiredness hits you. You learn the hard way what many moms had advised you during pregnancy : sleep when the baby sleeps during the day (as much as possible!). It helps to catch up on the lack of a long-stretch of sleep. There are so many advice and tips you receive during pregnancy, but often primies (I'm sure) learn by getting burned.
I was told to rest rest rest if not I will have back pains... The pains recently started, I only had my busybody self to blame. I was told to drink a full glass of water after each breastfeeding session, it's after getting so tired and dehydrated last week that I understood the advice. My mom told me to nourish myself well and drink lots of fluids, if not I'll get dizzy and exhausted.... Every single day I have to remember that. The energy the baby sucks out of you every time he breastfeeds needs to be compensated/refueled. If not you will be the crankiest person in your neighborhood. I know I had a few days when I was so tired, sleep deprived, dehydrated and hungry that I lashed out on everyone - my dear husband included (so sorry!). As bad as it may sound : I was even vexed at darling baby by the time 2 hours was exhausted and he naturally cried for his meal. I tell you, the fatigue would make you not recognize yourself !!
One thing I've definitely learned is that the first weeks of a newborn require the mom's full commitment. It's only when you surrender to this episode as your full time duty and cherish every moment that you can preserve your joy and serenity. I decided to stop feeling guilty for not reading my messages everyday, for not responding in time, for missing calls all the time cause my hands are tied, or the phone is the last of my priorities. If writing this post would take me an entire day (i.e. 10 mins of my hour downtime to rest/sleep or refuel, for 6 shifts, instead of 30mins blocks like I used to do write posts before) so be it. I just need to stop getting guilty about not being efficient and responsive during this period. I will catch up on work, projects and everything else in about 2 months, when (I hope) I would have mastered the routine.
For now, Josh is my number one top priority. My bundle of Joy. My heart. God's reward to my family. I will cherish him and every single moment I have with him as I ought to do. I won't let my stubbornness or multitasking-urge hamper my enjoyment of this blessing. I am conscious of that now, more than before.
Joshua, after all is the one who will bring us to the land flowing with milk and honey, I better treat him fully well now. Lol !
#SayingItAsItIs
#BeingReal #SharingExperience
#TheWorldDoesntEndWhenYouTakeABreak
#SettingPriorities
#StillCountingMyBlessings
##NewMom #NewBorn #21Days #Mashallah #MaternityLeave #amWriting
#NoMatterWhatCountYourBlessings
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