#31 - If Today Was the beginning of the End of the World, What would you do?

If today, as it is mediatized on CNN news, by the wackiest Christian Fundamentalist theories, was the beginning of the end on the world?! If, hypothetically (with a big H) it was indeed the beginning of the end of the world (due on October 21st), what would you do with the last 5months of your life? how would you live the last 5 months of your life?

For me, I would start it like I have today, by writing more blogposts, sharing my thoughts, wishes, desires with the world, in order to leave a written legacy of myself when I depart. But then, it might not really matter 'cause there will be no one left on earth to read what I wrote. Still yet, the therapeutic feeling that comes with writing out one's thoughts, and sharing what is within to the world, is a way for me not to merely be an insignificant subject in this world of 7 billion people - going through the conventional living: work, marry,children, community service - but to Exist out loud, and Be, simply BE.

If today marked the beginning of the end of the world, I would still not settle for a 9-5 job and I will still not settle in one location in the world (with time I have come to enjoy my atypical way of life, 'cause I love what I do. I gain so much freedom and fulfillment from seeking to empower, inspire, and create opportunities for others). If the world was to end in 5 months, I will go to more speaking engagements and exchange  with more people.  I will sell most of the material stuff I possess - keep a suitcase of cloths, my laptop, Ipod, and phone - and with the money I have, travel around the world, meet people from different cultures, learn to love their history & way of life, then go to the next country... I will make sure the last month though, finds me home (wherever that may be in the world) - as long as it is with the people I love the most: my parents, my family, my friends.

I would think of my precious family first. I will tell my parents how much I love them, how thankful I am for their love and their support all through my life, especialy during my childhood. Today, I realize what a blessing it has been to be sooo loved throughout my childhood. It has made me  a grounded, confident, and stable person with character, principles, and aspirations. More importantly, though, that love gave me the wings I needed to fly freely and boldly. Fly across the world and live my love for life. Live my passions Out Loud : Fearlessly and Fiercefully. This is all because, from the very beginning (till today) I have been Loved and cherished. For this reason, because today I can choose to be whomever I want to be, because I can freely be my authentic self, because I have the freedom to pursue my happiness, and still be loved, embraced and supported by my parent's unfailing love, I thank them deeply and I thank God Almighty.

As a gesture of gratitude, because I am conscious of what a blessing it has been (to have such a loving start with life), my personal aim is to share that overflowing love, with the people I meet, with my friends, my cousins, my brothers and sisters. For me, it's just the natural thing to do. To give back to the universe, as a (now) conscious sign of gratitude.

Of course, whenever you set such personal goals in your life, the universe has ways of testing your commitment to yourself. That's how each challenge that I have gone through in my life (and I think this is for everyone) is a Test to Love. It's a test to Love more. I have come to view the world in that perspective: A call to love or lovelessness (again as M.W. helped me understand). During this spring season I particularly went through this personal challenge in my life: Going through a breakup, having a fight with my sister, dealing with colleagues that didn't deliver the work I expected them to submit...  I managed to transform these circumstances which initially were, respectively, disappointing, frustrating, and nerve-wracking... into exercises to Love. With the breakup, as discomforting and unsettling as the experience was, I chose to move beyond the disappointment, move beyond the lovelessness, forgive the person I was with, forgive myself too, and move on with the loving memories. With my sister, I chose to not take personal attacks personally, but actually be thankful for having a sister that is loving and caring. With my colleagues, I chose to stop letting poor performance wreck my nerves (I'm still struggling with that though), and patiently be understanding of their mistakes.

In each one of these circumstances though, I learned 2 things that helped me transcend the circumstances:

1. As much as I am frustrated, disappointed, etc; I remembered that I had acted in the same way with someonelse at least once in my life. Let me explain: When I thought, "how could this person keep such information from me?" or "How could this person get so hurt, or angry about this?" or "why would this person snap back at me so harshly?" ... Each time  I asked that question, and placed myself as a victim, I realized that at some point in my life, I had been the one acting the same way towards someone else (the victim). Yet, then, we are much more merciful & understanding towards ourselves when we hurt others, than towards others when they "hurt" us (or actually our ego). This thinking has helped me forgive the people I thought offended me and to forgive myself.

Forgiveness is one of the toughest excercises life sends our way. Either we pass the test and move on with our lives, or we fail it and grow bitter and worse than we were before. Which leads to my second point:

2. I have come to realize, as a famous quote goes:  "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." 

Sometimes we hangon to anger, resentment, grudge, thinking the person (for all they did) is not worthy of our forgiveness. We cannot let go of it. It will be too easy. But when you think about it, when you let go and forgive, it's not for the other person, it's for you! It's to liberate yourself. Forgiveness liberates you from the suffocating burden of guilt, hurt, shame, disappointment, or resentment. And makes you a happier person! Isn't that what we all seek? 


Don't get me wrong though, I'm not saying we shouldn't get hurt, get disappointed, get angry... we all do. We are humans, with feelings. What I am saying is to not hang on to those feelings. Be WILLING, to let go of the hurt, anger and disappointment. 

Cause really, when you think about it, if you had 5 months left to live, will you hangon to all those people you are angry about : your brother? your sister? your father? your mother? your friend? your partner? your boyfriend? your girlfriend?  I mean, think about it... if you had 5 months left on this earth, will you preserve your grudge, hate, resentment and anger? I don't think so. When you have 5months left to live, you realize all this is Pouf!  It's cheap drama, unnecessary for the rest of your life. Your SuperEgo + Ego backs down, and let's the real you come to life: The most loving you, the spiritual you. That's the realest you you can be!

If the world was to end in 5 months, I would shake my head thinking of how frustrated I would get when my Harambe-Cameroon collegues wouldn't deliver things correctly or on time. I would smile thinking of how low I felt after a recent breakup. I would laugh thinking of the pain I felt when my sister will call me names ... But in the face of fatality, your mind shifts  in perspective, and allows you to dwell on the REAL stuff : The Love. 

That's what we realize in times of crisis. That's often when u discover the real beauty in each human being. Take for example the 2010 earthquake in Haiti... During that time the whole world reached out to help Haiti. Everyone felt Haitian, and wanted to help our brothers and sisters who suffered there. Imagine you were in Haiti during that time, and you saw your neighbor who was sleeping around with your spouse, stuck under a collapsed house shouting for help, would u let him/her die there? Imagine you saw your friend who stole your business idea and made so much profit out of it, stuck between two rocks pleaing for help, would u ignore him and let him die there? I don't think so. Even if u think u might ignore them, infront of tragedy, u will forget about the hurt, the pain, the deceit, the resentment, the guilt. You will let yourself act out of the natural leap of your heart, and the goodness you have, and which we all have, within us.

Somehow, during the times of tragedies, crisis, catastrophes we manage to shut down our socially-constructed ego, and we give space to the love in us to resurface. That's when we discover our real selves. Take another example, u are at ur father's dieing bed, what do u do? Do u remind him of all the times he treated u unfairly? Do u remind him of all the fights u have had? Do u remind him of all the periods of silence u gave each other? At that moment, all u want to do is to love, forgive, and let him go with peace.

And that's how u come to realize that these are the natural states of our being: loving, forgiving and at peace. And everytime u drift away from each of those states, u drift away from urself. So the challenge, I believe,  in our lives is to always seek to find our real selves: the loving, forgiving and joyful selves. For me, that's my emotional barometer. Every time I drift away from love, peace, and forgiveness, due to deceptions, disappointment, my mistakes, other's mistakes, circumstances, setbacks, etc... I TRY to get back to those states of mind. 

Somehow, we always wait for the bad moments, the pending tragedies, the imminent catastrophes, for us to rediscover our real selves: to be less attached to our ego, less full of ourselves, more caring about others, more loving towards others...why don't we challenge ourselves to be better at finding ourselves each single day. Take that personal challenge to be better today than we were yesterday? 

This realization that love is everything, made me understand even better what my favorite verse in the Bible says (1Cor 13: 1-4 which I blogged about New year's 2010), 

"...If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, 
and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love,
I AM NOTHING.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I GAIN NOTHING." - 1Cor13: 1-4

I may have all the wisdom in the world, I may have a faith that moves mountain,
I may inspire, lead, serve others, be the most passionate and successful individual in the world, BUT IF I DON'T HAVE LOVE, If I am not driven by love,
despite all my achievements and all my blessings,
I GAIN NOTHING, and I AM NOTHING. Love is the panacea to everything.

Everything is irrelevant without love, because love is the only real thing that exists.

So if today marked the beginning of the end of the world, I would stick to my vow to LOVE. Fearlessly Love the people around me, my family, my friends, humanity. To be more loving in the present than I was in the past. 'Cause that's how you resonate with the power of God that's in each one of us, and in the world: by loving each person as He Loves us. There's a saying Marianne Williamson says, on how " Our perceptions of other people often become a battleground between the ego’s desire to judge and the Holy Spirit’s desire to accept people as they are.” But who are we to Judge whom God adores? 

No one, but ourselves, are responsible for making our lives either a living hell or a living heaven. It's a matter of choice. Just like Eleonor Roosevelt said 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,'  I say, 'No one can make you feel angry, annoyed, frustrated, without your consent.' 

It's all a matter of taking responsibility of how you want to experience you life, cuz Life is 1% what happens to you and 99% how you react to it. If you choose to dwell on the 1%, don't blame someone else for your life being miserable. It's either you look at all the negative things happening around you: "My parents never loved me, My sister is mean to me, I don't have a job, I don't love my job, I can't find my soulmate, my laptop brokedown, I haven't had my breakthrough, my health is horrible, I'm too thin, I'm too fat, I look ugly, No one looks at me, I didn't get what I wanted...." There are zillion of things that can depress us about ourselves, and even about the world. It's our choice to see our world that way. 


However, we can also choose to see the world in a positive light "I thank God my parents are still alive, I thank God I have siblings who love me and who I adore, I thank God I have some free time without a job so I can indulge in my pleasures, I thank God I have my 2 legs + 2 hands, a great eyesight. I thank God I have a home to sleep in every  night. I thank God I can think, I can reflect, I can love..." The list goes on.  At the end of the day, it's all a personal choice to live the best of your life or waste your time being bitter and sour.

I don't think the world will end in 5 months, and I don't need that fatal warning to live to my full potential and to be the realest me I could be. Matter of fact, the world can come to an end for each one of us any time now, today, tomorrow, next week, next month? A car accident, an electric shock, a fatal disease, AIDS, Cancer? Plane crash? The world can come to an end for each single one of us any time now. We are not invincible to death!  But if it does come, without you being prepared, what would you say of your life lived? How will you evaluate the quality of your life lived? Why wait to the end of your life to be remorseful of your past? Why not take charge now? It's never too late to choose to be a better person and live  a better life...

As for me, I have chosen not to wait for pending tragedies and imminent catastrophes, to be the best me I can be. That's why I choose, no matter the difficulties, the hardtimes, the setbacks, the deceptions, that I will take 100% responsibility for my life. I refuse to be a victim, I choose to be a victor. I choose to pursue my happiness, and I choose to keep living and loving out loud, with purpose, passion and plenitude!