The other day, I think on Saturday (Oct. 30th?) I had a discussion with my friend Raissa (from my 2 years-Our Lady of Lourdes - boarding school days). We met up to catch up, and I gave her the Harambe pitch. I explained to her who we are, what we are all about, what we are trying to implement in Africa, then specifically in Kmer … at the end of my narration she tells me: “Olivia, I think you’re still over optimistic, you have to face the realities of Cameroon!” I smiled, ‘cause I have hear that statement more than a dozen times already. So I tell her, “girl, it’s possible! We can do it!” She repeats I’m being too optimistic. I tell her, “Gurl, it’s possible because we are already doing it. We are mobilizing people from various sectors together: The Banks, Corporations, Enterprises, Ngos, CSOs, the Media, Government agencies, and the Academia, with students at the core… All these sectors of our society are represented within Harambe's friends and partners, they are liking this project, it’s possible.” (You see today being called an “optimist” is a quasi-insult, it means borderline you are pathetic believing in what you hope for. But like the First Black President of the United States of America said, “there’s nothing false about hope,” and he added that
“Hope is not blind optimism… It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead... Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it."
- I told her “Girl, you have to believe in your dream, ‘cause if you don’t who will?” And once again she gives me a response I’ve heard a dozen of times before: “Olivia, I believe in my dreams, but only those I know I can achieve.” That’s still limiting yourself...that's still settling for less. I mean, If you can have one million dollar, why settle for 10 thousand? Or why limit yourself to thinking you can only have 10 thousand? I say, if you can dream, dare to dream big… And don’t just daydream. Believe in it, be your number one fan, and ACT accordingly… I’ll quote Marianne Williamson again, who speaks much sense. One of my all time favorite quotes:
- I have to learn how to say NO to wonderful opportunities
An anonymous blogger wrote this very critical comment on one of my posts (my 6th journal)… It is inevitable to receive such posts when you share your thoughts with a wider circle than your friends… But I like to know what people think, whether it’s negative or positive, it's important to know people's real feelings. My anonymous friend said this:
- I know some people would tell me, this message is not even worth quoting. But hey, let’s be real… I’ve vowed to be as genuine as possible. So I’ll post both the praises I receive and the criticisms… What do y’all think of my Anonymous friend's comments?
- I have to add that God works in miraculous ways because I read that anonymous message the same week a friend sent me a message in my inbox about “Haters.” The message said this:
Hi Dear
Don't ever let the hater or jealous one stop your light from shining. Some persons are unconscious haters or jealous ones but from reading what Maya Angelou says in the attached mail below, you'll know if you're a hater or a victim of hatred. We have sometimes hated or have been a victim of hatred but which of them are you in a habit of being?
LIFE'S PARADOX
In This Material World of Ours,
In our bid to be good, we are loved
And because we are loved, we are hated
by Nfinyo MABU
Here's what Maya Angelou has to say about Haterz:
A hater is someone who is jealous and envious and
spends all their
time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...
That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing
you blessed...
It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be
like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?
You never know what people have gone through to get what they
have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they
don't know my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you
can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!
We've all got some haters among us!
Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb (if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home
Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.
How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
*(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not
mean having a job. You can have a job and still be
unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine
prerogative and not human manipulation.
Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your
time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, 'I've lived my
life and fulfilled my dreams, Now I'm ready to go HOME!
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at
me...Look at who is in charge of me...'
Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know are
not hating on you including the person who sent it to you.
If you don't get it back, maybe you called somebody out!
Don't worry about it, it's not your problem, it's theirs.
Just pray for them, that their life can be as fulfilled as
yours! Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't become
a HATER!
Maya Angelou
"Love your enemies for they are your mirror to reality..."
Speaking of Maya Angelou, last week my brother quoted Maya Angelou on his facebook status. Yes, Bonny Mukam quoted Maya Angelou. I was beyond impressed, I tell you. It is then, I realized that he actually reads my blog-posts. The simple fact that my brother actually reads my blog, to the point of quoting some things I've said, trumps anything my anonymous friend could criticize me about. I feel sooo special!
o fait g deja lu pa un livre ,mais just des text de Maya Angelous,ainsi ke ceux de Nikki Giovanny...so....
ReplyDeleteParker
Na wa o. That Anonymous comment was really out of place. He/she does not even make sense. From his disparaging comments about the Educated African Woman, I can only assume the ignoramus is male and has a serious axe to grind. Foolishness I tell you.
ReplyDeleteConstructive criticism is good, but this was not one of them. It is clear the intent was to put you down. This person may have a grudge against you for whatever reason and sees this as an opportunity to 'settle scores'.
M'dear, pay him no mind. As the old adage goes ... empty vessels make the loudest noise. Continue to do your thing. I'm proud of you.
I AM NO HATER.
ReplyDeleteIf I came across as anything but positive I would like to change that. I like reading your blogs and I want to use this opportunity to point out what I disliked. This is a public domain and as such I am free to offer my perspective. My only wish is that you learn to roll with the punches.
I have noticed that you have taken down some blogs and I like to think I had something to do with that. I am sure I am not the only one who has found fault in your writings. I am not only very familiar with all your blogs but also with your association with the group Engineers without boarders (EWB) in Delaware and their blogs. The water project in Bakang and bamendjou also factored in my opinions. I took the suggestion to look up your group on facebook ie African is also love ....but quickly took a pass on it. As an African, not withstanding all the negativity, I don't conceed anything to anyone. Starting from a negative position like the group name assumes is not motivational for me.
My decision therefore to invest my time in this way should be viewed as a testament of the importance of what you write about and credit to you for engineering this kind of debate. If your blogs were as silly as some of the blogs I have read, I wouldn't be able to justify my contribution. Nevertheless you and I differ a lot in fundamentals and hate has nothing to do with it. Maya Angelou doesn't do it for me. Here are my critisms of your blog.
To be continued.....
Hey my friend, You're back again! Great. This time you're not anonymous! Even greater! As you said, this is the World wide web, so u're free to share your opinion. Glad you took the time to read my blog. I actually didn't take down any post, nor edit any one of the posts from the 1st to the 14th. You can find them in the archive, listed at the top right portion of the web page. So you can go back to my first post, and start reading, before preparing your critical report. hehehehe.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious though to know what you do in life, and would appreciate if for every criticism you have, you can give a suggestion. (That's a Harambe technic actually - as long as you don't have a proposition, you don't criticize. That way we make sure all the criticisms are constructive). Once again, u're entitled to ur opinion, and u're free to throw the punches out my way, if that's the only thing you know how to throw... lol
Easy lady, easy. Wow I never thought you had this in you. Please allow me to state what our disagreement are about before you start throwing missiles at me. Not everyone is always going to tell you what you need to hear. This learning experience can only make you better. Not everyone operates by the dictate of harambe. What exactly is harambe anyway? As articulate as you are, it is frustrating to try to figure out what it is you are so partionate about. Please try to tackle this hands on. I am sure I am not the only one in limbo land.
ReplyDeleteIf I do not provide any personal info, it is because I do not see the relevance. I also know you are very high on superficial stuff. No surprise there. This much is clear. I am no Harvard graduate nor I am remotely related to Mia Farrow. Just a simple guy leaving in Chicago and trying to make sense of this crazy world. Did I also mentioned I am a very patroitic cameroonian?
P.S: Although you stated that "Maya Angelou doesn't do it for me", let me still share her poem with you, you might relate to it, and get some wisdom from it:
ReplyDeleteA hater is someone who is jealous and envious and
spends all their
time trying to make you look small so they can look tall.
They are very negative people to say the least. Nothing is ever
good enough!
When you make your mark, you will always attract some haters...
That's why you have to be careful with whom you share your
blessings and your dreams, because some folk can't handle seeing
you blessed...
It's dangerous to be like somebody else... If God wanted you to be
like somebody else, He would have given you what He gave them! Right?
You never know what people have gone through to get what they
have...
The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they
don't know my story...
If the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, you
can rest assured that the water bill is higher there too!
We've all got some haters among us!
Some people envy you because you can:
a) Have a relationship with God
b) Light up a room when you walk in
c) Start your own business
d) Tell a man/woman to hit the curb (if he/she isn't about the right thing)
e) Raise your children without both parents being in the home
Haters can't stand to see you happy.
Haters will never want to see you succeed.
Most of our haters are people who are supposed to be on our side.
How do you handle your undercover haters?
You can handle these haters by:
1. Knowing who you are & who your true friends are
*(VERY IMPORTANT!!)
2. Having a purpose to your life: Purpose does not
mean having a job. You can have a job and still be
unfulfilled.
A purpose is having a clear sense of what God has called you to be.
Your purpose is not defined by what others think about you.
3. By remembering what you have is by divine
prerogative and not human manipulation.
Fulfill your dreams! You only have one life to live...when its your
time to leave this earth, you want to be able to say, 'I've lived my
life and fulfilled my dreams, Now I'm ready to go HOME!
When God gives you favor, you can tell your haters, 'Don't look at
me...Look at who is in charge of me...'
Pass this to all of your family & friends who you know are
not hating on you including the person who sent it to you.
If you don't get it back, maybe you called somebody out!
Don't worry about it, it's not your problem, it's theirs.
Just pray for them, that their life can be as fulfilled as
yours! Watch out for Haters...BUT most of all don't become
a HATER!
Maya Angelou
I am getting mix messages. I realise you detest criticisms and I am tempted to end it all right now. On the other hand I want us to debate your fundamental assumptions in order to do justice for Africa. Call me a hater all you want. I still like you even if you are a little misguided though.
ReplyDeleteI have no interest in thrash talking and I do not want to disrupt your little gig. Just thought this would be a great academic exercise. So many people have profited on the back of Africa. Why not you? shouldn't you be a little curious about what I want to say. Ball is in your court. Let me know.
Thanks for the Maya Angelou intro. Again not my thing. She could't get it right with Barack. Lost her originality a long time ago. Too commercialised now and useful only for the Oprah crowd. Go figure. Too diluted for black empowerment. No thanks. I understand you love Lauryn Hill. Trying to listen to the miseducation album. Get my drift.
To the Anonymous Blogger:
ReplyDeletePardon me but I would like to break this train of discussion and return to your original comment posted on blog #6. I assume this is the beginning of the present discussion and as “an intellectual exercise,” I would like to the liberty to dissect your comments a little. I presume that your position is that the present blog is too westernized and you are advocating instead for a return to some African authenticity; your comments on blog 6 were rather interesting in that respect yet I think that your premise is rather false.
You say:
"Have you ever heard Europeans talking about the ills of their society including racism and all..."
This is false. We have indeed heard Europeans and Asians talking about the ills of their society, it suffices to look at the editorial section of any major western newspaper to see a daily critic of societal woos. Better yet, look at the comics in the news, no one, from the President to the Pope, is spared from the jest and critic of the animator. But, pointing to the ills of their society, neither Europeans nor Asians mean contempt for their traditions they seek to diagnose and find solutions to the problems that plague them so that their societies can continue to progress. I do not see then why I as an African must be an exception to that rule or why you deem me “westernized” to criticize my society when you yourself assert that westerners do not criticize their societies!
Yet I agree with your underlying concern. As an African I am very much aware of how the media and the development community portray my continent; it is through one lens made only to see the poor and depilated corners of our society. However, the West has taken it upon itself to criticize not only because it feels superior in doing so but also because we have convinced ourselves as Africans that we are not to point a finger at that which is wrong with us. I disagree with this and I think Nigeria’s Nobel laureate, Wole Soyinka, puts it very nicely, when he says that “the greatest threat to freedom is the absence of criticism.” Failing to criticize our governments has costs us sp much: political stability, economic progress and social development. Abacha, Mobuto, Mugabe, and the colonial powers themselves have denied Africa so much progress because for a long time some Africans like you have argued that the best thing to do is to stay quiet! You do not like politics in your country, then say it! It is your duty as the national of that country to say what is wrong with it, because at the end of they day no one is going to help “save” your country. It is not their responsibility. Look at the Guineans; they took the bold step in September to tell their government that they disapproved and that is how it should be. It would be cowardly, I think, to do otherwise.
You say:
"Beware of strangers and don't write about your country in so many negative ways… Use that time to maybe secure a Husband."
Your comment here is misogynist at best and self-hating at worst. You almost seem to argue here that we should be afraid of saying our minds because we do not want the “white man” to think negatively of us. Excuse me, but I do not think Asians or Europeans try not to portray their ills because they care what Africans think of them; so why do I have to play the “noble savage” and keep quiet when my politicians are clearly robbing me blind or my president is an authoritarian? Your statement also rings of chauvinism. To turn your critique into an attack on educated African women does not convince me of the soundness of your analysis. What honestly did the blogger’s gender have to do with the discussion on Africa’s socio-political situation? And who is to suggest what a woman should or should not do with her time? I am afraid that if the market women in Lagos are anything to go by, children are not the only thing that fills a woman’s life or should we simply ignore this obvious fact?
Thank you Ade, for this very eloquent and thoughtful point of view. What I appreciate most about your comment is that it's objective, and it's dealing with the subject matter. Not dealing with me as a person. That is the reason why I didn't even wanna go back and forth with this anonymous friend of mine, 'cause he is not being objective. He is not providing much intellectual analysis or debate. Over 4 conversation he's been criticizing me as a person, more than tackling any argument. For each post, after the first ones, he keeps saying "I have a criticism, but I feel you don't like criticism, and you are this and that." So rather than go on and on with back and forth argument, I cut it short, 'cause I know he's just being a hater. For real. It's practically impossible to have an objective discussion with someone who still is not articulating what he's criticizing. It gives the impression of being one of those men who just wants to be polemic,with little foundation, while making personal attacks. Kinda like the Clintons during the primaries - Attacking Obama's person, rather than his issues. That's dirty politics. And I think this too is dirty debate.
ReplyDeleteLet me use one of his messages, and dissect what he says just so you have an idea of his very un-constructive approach: (To my anonymous brother, as you read this, just imagine me with a smile on my face saying this with a very kind tone, 'cause I know how the tones in a message of disagreement is easily misinterpreted for the worse). so read on my analysis:
"Easy lady, easy. Wow I never thought you had this in you."
ReplyDelete- I actually was confused, 'cause I dunno what you are alarmed about since my previous message was nothing but telling you to go ahead and express urself, and that I was ready to "roll with the punches" as you said in your previous communication.
"Please allow me to state what our disagreement are about before you start throwing missiles at me."
- What missiles? I dunno! I'm not the one throwing missiles here. I'm receiving them. lol!
"Not everyone is always going to tell you what you need to hear. This learning experience can only make you better."
- What constructively are you telling me that I need to hear, and I refused to hear? U still haven't told me what's the thing burning in ur heart... Again, I love debates, I'm open to debates, it's an exercise I've done all my life, and trust me, being the fourth kid in a a household of five, I had (and still have) to deal with lots of criticisms. I can even say it was a blessing in disguise, 'cause it prepped me for life. Moreover, doing what I'm doing now in Cameroon does not please many people, and criticism and cynnicism is a daily exercise, just by family and friend, but lots of indiduals I don't know, who need to express their different point of view. So I tell u, If I was afraid of criticisms, I would have given up on practically all my endeavors by now. But if you know me, which obviously you don't, you would know I don't flinch infront of obstacles. As I stated in my latest post, I'm psychologically prepared. "New level, new devil. Sometimes your enemies will catapult you to success more than your friends" - this is not personally addressed to u, it's words of wisdom i try to interiorize, to face daily realities. You might find it valuable in ur life too.
Now, if your frustration is about me - my character and the way I express myself - I'm sorry I can't debate on that. It's ur opinion. If it's about issues, I'll welcome the opportunity to exchange your well-founded arguments.
"Not everyone operates by the dictate of harambe. What exactly is harambe anyway? As articulate as you are, it is frustrating to try to figure out what it is you are so partionate about. Please try to tackle this hands on. I am sure I am not the only one in limbo land."
ReplyDelete- Another one of those comments that clearly shows you have not even read the blog; and which discourages me from even debating with you, 'cause you don't know your subject matter. If u had read the blog, u would have seen I have explained Harambe multiple times. The most recent explanations are the two special posts on the Inauguration + the inauguration report, with the link to the website (www.hendeavor.org). So again, this shows me u're not trying to be constructive here.
"If I do not provide any personal info, it is because I do not see the relevance. I also know you are very high on superficial stuff. No surprise there."
- My brotha, na how? why do u have to attack me so? Do u really have to make personal attacks, stating "You also KNOW I'm high on superficial stuff"? come on now, if we need to have a discussion here, attack my statements, not me. It's not constructive at all. That's why I'm not taking you so seriously, 'cause you're not acting as the objective and rigorous intellectual you want to be. And this, I realized it from your first post, because you made criticism - certainly based on a natural frustration about African development etc, but very inadequately phrased.
"This much is clear. I am no Harvard graduate nor I am remotely related to Mia Farrow. Just a simple guy leaving in Chicago and trying to make sense of this crazy world. Did I also mentioned I am a very patroitic cameroonian?"
- Good to know you're a patriotic Cameroonian. I can only encourage you my brother, 'cause that's the spirit our generation needs. But let our patriotism not turn to cynism, let's transform all those passions and justified frustration to something positive and concrete instead. Let's try to construct, rather than destruct. Let's try to unite, rather than divide. Let's try to empower rather than to put each other down. There's nothing enlightened about dimming someone's light,so we can feel better. Again, those are lessons we learn with age, as we grow up (I spoke about this in my latest post). These are lessons of life that makes us realize, individually, that it's by uniting that we can bring effective change. It's by uplifting others that we are uplifted.
From this bit, I can also tell you are a good person, who might just need a medium to express himself. Yet still, lacks the tact to "make his point without making an enemy." Read my latest post you might get a thing or two on making a point constructively. Like I quoted Obama, "we must learn how to disagree without being disagreeable", but thus far, you've been highly disagreeable, without even clearly expressing what you disagree about. That's why, I was not, and I'm still not inclined to entertain a debate with you. 'Cause if it's about me - Olivia Mukam - then you are free to have an opinion of me that's negative (you are certainly not the first, and will definitely not be the last). But I'm not going to go back and forth here, justifying who I am, and trying to make you understand the real me. uh uh! I have too much on my plate to try to make someone understand me; especially since I've done a lot of that already by sharing my Thoughts, Reflections and Experiences - my open journal here with you all. Now, deduce what you can from that, if spilling ur frustration about me will help you have a peace of mind, I'm glad I can be of help. lol.
*Keep Loving, Keep Giving, Keep Blessing*
To Ade,
ReplyDeleteThe complexity of the problems facing Africa requires one to think outside the box. No I am not advocating a return to African Authenticity. That premise is untenable. What I am advocating though is that as we search for a viable developmental module, there are infracsture within this African module that can be built upon. Westernization is therefore not the only alternative.
You are right in stating that European and even Asian newspaper are very open about discusiing the problems facing their countries. Unfortunately I wasn't referring to the business or governmental structures.
I was referring to the personal. Maybe you have been lucky to have these European friends openly state their frustrations with their system. Not me. Even when it comes to racism, a great number do not belief it is real. That is what I was referring to. I learnt this my very first year in the US. It was an eye opener. Too often the African is so talkative. It takes getting use to. Whinning about your problems to Europeans only undercuts and compromises you. Infact it is embarasing. NO, he is not your daddy. If you got to do something, then be a man about it.
African governments are very fragile and it my view that blatant accusation of all soughts only help to weaken it. Thus if I am advocating for civility, it is because there is nothing sinister about these governments that is not also reflected on westernised government. Paralysis too often is the by product of endless accusations. Miss Mukam baseless accusations about this government is not factual. There is no Holiday for the president. You have to stay true to your convictions. You can't have it both ways like miss mukam. You can't call a government corrupt one day and then seek the same people as VIP's for your Harambe launch. It is hypocrisy at its very worst.